What Does Kindness With You Look Like?

Do you know what kindness with you would look like?

This is not a perspective that I even considered looking at for most of my life until fairly recently. For most of my life, I’ve operated from the place of doing and choosing what I thought was required to prove that I had value to those I was seeking validation from. If my family, my teachers, my friends, and maybe, with a stroke of luck from the forces that be, “the cool people” thought that I was valuable, I would have finally “made it.” Oddly enough, even when I was validated by any of these people, I never was able to actually have a sense of peace with myself or a real sense of being valuable. I realize now I had made other people’s point of view far more important than my own.

A key element of having kindness with you is not judging you. What if you could, for just one day, demand that you not judge yourself and instead look at what’s great about you and what you’re grateful for about you and your body? What if instead of assuming you’re wrong for things not yet being the way you’d like them to be in all areas of your life, you chose instead to ask, “what can I be or do different today that would allow me to create the life I’d truly like to have?”

It’s the prevailing point of view in this reality that you have to be tough on yourself each day and judge yourself appropriately if you’re ever going to amount to anything worthwhile. What if that was a lie and what if there was a far more effective way to create than by means of the force of judgment? What if creating from the space of question, choice, possibility, and contribution could open up doors you didn’t even know existed to the future you’d like to have?

Every time you find yourself choosing to judge you, I encourage you to choose something DIFFERENT instead. Ask a question. What’s right about me I’m not getting? What’s right about this I’m not getting? What if there’s actually nothing wrong right now?? As far out as it might sound, could this be a possibility? 😉

Another element of having kindness with you is including you in the computation of your life. How many of your choices up till now have been primarily about pleasing someone else or validating their POV or directly resisting and opposing their POV? (e.g. your parents) What if you could instead choose from a place of what would work for both you and others? What if you didn’t have to sacrifice you in relationship? What if it were ok to get off the cross now and take care of and honor yourself fully?


As an experiment, you may desire to try asking, “what can I be or do different today that would be a kindness for me and my body?”

Please let me know how things go if you try these questions out and how this posting landed for you! I’d love to have your feedback.

One Response to What Does Kindness With You Look Like?

  1. Chris Price March 2, 2013 at 6:57 am #

    ‘Be kind to yourself’ has for me been one of those metaphysical cliches, which while well-meaning, hasn’t really been clear to me. I’m grateful Adam that you’ve explained about not judging oneself and questions one can ask, as well as pointing out how making other people’s point of view more valuable than your own has never got you what you want. I look forward to playing with the other questions you offer here. Thanks man!

Leave a Reply